In more than one way I am strong.
There’s being strong and then being confident in that strength. This is the area I have been thinking about, I’ve been hung up on this for a while and now I want to let you guys know my thoughts on this.
There are many varieties of strength, as well as many meanings to it.
The first on I’d like to discuss is mental strength. This is the area everyone can vary vastly in, physical strength is easy to build on, but it takes time and effort to build mental strength.
“If your content with being single, you’re strong” This phrase is wrong:
While you may be a strong human for being able to be single and not depend on someone, it’s not strength really.
Now, I’m not saying the phrase is completely wrong but heres my main points on the issue:
- I’ve been told this many different times and in my case its not true. I am upset every time someone around me gets a boyfriend, or gets closer with a guy or girl or I hear someone new I meet is in a relationship. Not in a jealous way but more in a longing way: Longing may be the wrong word but we’ll stick with it at the moment.
What I mean is that I’ve never had a relationship more than a few dates or texts. I don’t know what it’s like to be in a relationship. I don’t know what it’s like for a guy to like me for me. So my point, how am I more strong single than in a relationship?
- How is it strong to want to go out and be free? Why not show your strength with someone you can share it with.
I know that I’d rather share my strength, share these moments with someone I care for.
- If you really were strong, you could still be free in your relationship. It wouldn’t seem like work but it would be as though you are with someone you actually want to share moments with. You want to share everything with.
I know saying this without being in a relationship is different than actually experiencing one. I know that a relationship won’t fix my problems, it will fix some and create some. I’ve faced a lot in my twenty years of life and I have came through the other side.
I’ve been told by friends its not all fun and laughing and love in relationships and I know it’s not. Especially for me because I like to make things more difficult and create problems that aren’t there. I have done over and over but I’ve always came out the other side better and stronger.
I do believe I am strong mentally. How many people can say they’ve gone through losing a parent, step-grandparent and grandparent in one year?
On top of that I lost contact with 3 amazing little sisters?
Half my family started arguments and I lost them!
From there I’ve been trying to ruin anything or anyone I get close to for fear that I either lose them or become too vulnerable to get hurt or worse; change the person I was when my dad knew me.
Thats another point there:
The topic of being strong is to be fearless. if you have fears you aren’t strong.
I call that just now. That is a rubbish excuse for being an ass in life. Thats the kind of guy or girl who thinks they are strong but really won’t live with any joy or friends or love or anything.
I am mentally strong. I live everyday to prove that I am. I could have killed myself by now. I have wanted to and thought about it a lot. I need to prove that I can keep going in the dark times.
I haven’t covered this part of strength enough but I’m going to move on to physical strength now.
I am physically strong too. With a little help from a PT and the gym and having the dedication to keep going.
My most recent goal was 55kg deadlift. 30kg (maybe heavier I’m not sure) back squat. 20kg bench press.
But when people see me they don’t see that. They see fat arms that hide my muscles. Legs that look fatter than usual but really are mostly muscle.
My abs I can’t talk for. I know thats the part I need to work on.
My point to this is that you don’t see physical strength in me – maybe in others you can by the muscles but we all think was that genuinely just training or steroids?
While you can see physical strength, you don’t see mental.
I constantly battle with the voices in my head, with days that I feel are dragging me down, with moments that I think too much, overthink everything. No one really stops to think how much mental strength my brain endures daily to be able to keep me on top of this whole thing.
I can have days where I want to cry when I’m driving. When I want to shut my door and cry in my bed, in the dark. When I want to talk to my dad and listen to disney or my dads songs.
I also have days where I can mostly forget all my problems and live like I have no troubles. I’m sure many of you are the same.
I want to raise awareness that even if you’re life is great, you may be flaunting a relationship or muscles or your tight crop top, even just holding hands down the street with a family member. There is always going to be someone who is dealing with grief of a family member, or struggles with a mental problem or struggles full stop.
Don’t stop what you’re doing that makes you happy, but be aware that others are around and may need you to help save them from themselves.
Til next time 😘